


Of Munchies And Moose Tracks

by syub_syub



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Adorable Kim Taehyung | V, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Attempt at Humor, Crack, Grumpy Min Yoongi | Suga, Ice Cream, Ice Cream Parlors, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope & Min Yoongi | Suga Are Roommates, Kim Seokjin | Jin is So Done, Kim Taehyung | V Is a Little Shit, Late Submission Tho, M/M, Mentioned Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Mentioned Kim Seokjin | Jin, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, Seokjin works at the cafe, Taegi Week 2018, Yoongi can't say no to Tae, taegi - Freeform, taegi centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 12:04:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syub_syub/pseuds/syub_syub
Summary: Taehyung convinces Yoongi to go out for ice cream in January, and everything goes down hill from there.(Disclaimer: no one gets high)





	Of Munchies And Moose Tracks

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd as fuck

By this point in time, it's a reasonably well known fact that Yoongi has a lot of problems in his life; he's broke. He works despisable shifts at a fast food place, losing his will to live steadily under flourescent lights just so that he can keep dragging himself through university. He dislocated his shoulder on said job once, almost ended up with his head under a car tire.

And yet somehow, the worst problem Yoongi has is still his inability to say no to Kim Taehyung. After all, his job or his lack of money - or any of his other numerous inconveniences, for that matter - they've never once left him in the middle of an ice cream parlor, caught up in what could most definitely be deemed the most ridiculous argument in the history of human speech.

And it all started with fucking Kim Taehyung, giving Yoongi his best puppy dog eyes as he asked if they could go out for ice cream. What was truly horrific to Yoongi, who would prefer coffee and/or sleep any day of the week, was that Taehyung hadn't even needed to put any effort into attempting to sway him. Yoongi would have said yes if Tae had asked whilst kicking little kittens.

Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but it's not far off. And besides, Taehyung would never kick a flower, let alone living, breathing little balls of fluff. He was basically a little ball of fluff himself. Gentle and wide eyed and adorable. And Yoongi isn't a monster. He's not going to just go and do the spoken equivelant of booting baby animals. 

After all, it's just ice cream - harmless, right? And moreover, it was _Taehyung_.

So despite the time of year (January, christ. Who the fuck goes out for ice cream in _January_?), despite the comments on the tip of Yoongi's tongue, he had hauled himself up off of the sofa, let Taehyung all but drag him out of his and Hoseok's apartment, and they had walked the handful of blocks to the parlor.

It had been fine at first, nothing too bad. Well, Taehyung might have declared his love of ice cream a little too loudly when they first entered, and the stares they were awarded with may have made Yoongi shoot his companion a glare, skin prickling uncomfortably under the lifted eyebrows and expressions of amusment and confusion from customers, but compared to this - _this_. Fucking arguing about ice cream flavours in public - it was nothing.

Normally Yoongi would have more dignity, would have the self-restraint to bite back the insults, but Taehyung's behaviour is so ridiculous that he, on principle, cannot let it slide.

"Are you fucking serious? Can you even hear yourself, Taehyung? It's called the _Munchies_!" Yoongi exclaims, and Taehyung pouts in response.

"So the name is questionable." He says. "But it's just pretzels and m&ms!"

"And potato chips!" Yoongi doesn't understand why Taehyung fails to grasp the absurdity of that. _"Potato chips_ , Tae. It's ice cream!"

"It gives it texture!" Taehyung retorts, folding his arms, and Yoongi wants to break one of the chocolate lined waffle cones over his ex-friend's head.

"It's ice cream." He says again, just in case the younger doesn't get it. "It doesn't fucking need bells and whistles."

Taehyung wets his lips, and Yoongi absolutely doesn't follow the movement with his eyes. What he does do, however, is somehow find out that he has a whole new level of anger left in him when he sees the complete indifference painted across Kim Taehyung's face, as if he doesn't realize how stupid his ice cream choices are or how easily he can get to Yoongi, or how his perfect face makes Yoongi kind of want to resort to physical measures as he arches a single, annoyingly disbelieving eyebrow.

"It's different, hyung." He replies. "Are you saying you don't support diversity?"

That. _That_ makes Yoongi want to kill him. "It's ice cream!" He says for a third fucking time, except now his tone has raised accidentally and everyone is staring at them. Or at least, they should be. That's what it feels like.

And when the server leans over the counter to fix them with an unimpressed stare, Yoongi almost feels chagrined - _but_ , he reminds himself, he's not the one trying to validate fucking potato chip ice cream. He's not the one who has brought shame upon humankind today.

"Get a room." Is the drawled words they get, spoken with boredom and an almost insulting level of disinterest, though it takes Yoongi a moment to register that it is not a lecture on ice cream parlor etiquette that they receive, and then another few to understand what he's actually said.

" _What_?" Yoongi responds, and it does not come out as a squeak.

The server, 'Seokjin', his name tag reads, simply rolls his eyes. "Your sexual tension is completely ruining the ambiance of my cafe. I'm trying to market to families and children here. So... Get some ice cream or get a room. Please." He tacks it on to the end, mindless, as if only just realizing that he might lose costumers, yet also still not entirely caring about such a possibility, and Yoongi blinks, glances at Taehyung, and scowls as his cheeks get hot.

'Sexual tension'. As if. Taehyung is annoying. He has horrific ice cream preferences. They've never exactly seen eye to eye, but this is just unacceptable. And it pisses Yoongi off. That was it. Plain and simple. The only tension here is the kind that makes Yoongi want to waterboard Taehyung with his fucking abomination of an ice cream flavour and ask him how he likes it then.

They've fallen into a heavy silence, no matter how inexplicably untrue Seokjin's words are, and Yoongi wants to look away but Tae is staring right back at him and his mouth is dry and he definitely doesn't like this one bit.

"So," came a suddenly cheery voice, and honestly at this point just fuck it all. "Now that we've had that fun revelation, are you going to order something? Because if not, you're going to have to step out of the line."

Right. There was a line. An audience. An entire fucking cafe privy to their conversation. And this fucking waiter. Fuck him in particular.

"Ice cream." Yoongi says finally, tearing his eyes from Taehyung only to realize that was not how functioning people respond to the question posed, because no shit they'll order ice cream in the fucking ice cream parlor, and then he clears his throat. "Uh, we'll have two waffle cones-"

"Moose tracks." Taehyung breaks in helpfully. "Just one scoop each, please."

And when Yoongi glances at him, he grins. "I'll meet you in the middle, hyung."

"Good of you." Yoongi grumbles. "Fucking munchies. What kind of fucking name-"

"Language." The server pipes up, smiling as he hands Taehyung the cones, and Taehyung turns his own grin on the man behind the counter, thanking him as Yoongi gets ready to pay.

When they finally step back outside, Yoongi lets out a soft breath he hadn't realized he's been holding, and he's certain those still inside the parlor collectively do the same.

It's cold, just reminding Yoongi once again how ludicrous this whole situation has been, start to finish, but as they begin to walk and the cafe fades behind them, treacherous munchy ice cream far from sight (though not yet back to burning in the pits of hell), he feels considerably less worked up about it all. Taehyung is ridiculous, but no more so than Seokjin's statements, and he honestly kind of wants to forget about all of those things. Maybe Taehyung is cute. Maybe Yoongi gets a little side tracked when he takes the first few kitten licks of his ice cream. Maybe the server wasn't actually that far off base, and Yoongi is just a fan of lying and cowardice. But Taehyung is younger than him. He's Kook's... Something. No one was quite sure but they touched too often and snuggled too much, and whether it made Yoongi's blood boil just a little bit is irrelevant - the point is, he's off limits.

At least, that's what Yoongi thinks. But then Taehyung's steps are faltering and he's turning to face Yoongi, who stops too quickly and almost trips over his own feet, bottom lip pushing out into an irritated pout as he straightens back up, glances at the other.

"You're cute, hyung." Taehyung says, and Yoongi would normally drop kick a man for less, but from Tae's lips the words make his ears go red.

"Thanks." He responds flatly, trying to hide the way his heart jumps a little, beats just a bit too fast. "Was that it?"

Taehyung shakes his head softly, and his fringe falls across his forehead in a way that tempts Yoongi to brush it back. "You know what the server said?" He starts, and Yoongi nods, wordlessly encourages Taehyung to keep talking because he's not sure he trusts himself to speak at this point in time, and the younger hums. "Well, it got me thinking..."

And Yoongi knows at this exact moment that he has never been more screwed in his entire life.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to feed into my praise kink by dropping a comment to let me know what you think. 
> 
> (You can also talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/y00mgi) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/yoongis_hands))


End file.
